his article is one in a series on separation anxiety, a canine psychosis.여주출장안마
In brief, the dog with separation anxiety, when left alone, trashes the house or yard. Damage can be as minimal as feces and or urine on the rug but it can also involve thousands of dollars worth of property damage.
In extreme cases, the anxiety will drive the dog to perform quite remarkable acts of destruction such as clawing through a door or under a chain link fence, insensitive to injuries self-inflicted in the process.
“Co-dependence” is an expression that was first used to describe the behavior of family members of alcoholics. It has been described as a “giving away” of our power over self-esteem or relying on another person for our sense of self-worth.가평출장안마
But the co-dependent is not necessarily passive. In a confrontation with the addict, the fur can fly. But in the end the co-dependent does whatever is necessary to preserve the relationship with the addict.
In the separation anxiety scenario, the owner is the addict and the dog is the co-dependent.
The Owner
Calling the owner an “addict” may seem like a bit of a stretch. The good news is that, if the owner is not an “addict,” there is a good chance that the separation anxiety can be treated successfully. The condition that dooms any program of treatment is an owner who “needs” the dog too much.일산출장안마
The addict dog owner adopts and keeps the dog in order to give himself or herself “love.”
The addict dog owner cannot “live and let live” with the dog. Instead, a constant “loving” interaction is the owner’s requirement of the dog.
The owner demands the dog’s attention — when he or she is home.동탄출장안마
The “discovery” of the separation anxiety problem is made when the owner leaves — without the dog. And returns to find destruction.
The Dog
How can the concept of co-dependence be applied to a dog? Look for a moment at some of the descriptions that are given to human co-dependence:
- People who get their way with me will have difficulty hearing me say “no.”
- My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way!
- I am giving because I fear retribution — pouting, whining, guilt.
- I feel guilty about doing things for myself.
- I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
- My dreams of the future are linked to you.
- My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
- My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
- I am not aware of how I feel, I am aware of how you feel.
Dogs have dog needs which are quite distinct from human needs. Dogs play dog games. Dogs do doggie things. A normal, healthy, happy dog behaves in ways that are incomprehensible to the owner.
If a dog has too much interest in its owner and not enough in its own “doggie” world, we can meaningfully talk about co-dependence.청주출장안마
Undoing The “Dance”
My dog was five years old when we adopted her. In the first few weeks with her, it because apparent that she was totally unfamiliar with commands such as “sit,” “come,” “stay,” and “heel.” But she was an expert at begging. In fact, her begging act was so cute that the kennel that boarded her remarked on it.
And, although she was housebroken and no longer a puppy, she continued to have occasional “accidents” on the dining room rug and in the back seat of the car.
But we didn’t give her food from the table and — for a while — she didn’t come, sit, heal or stay. In time, as our expectations of her became more defined, her reactions began to change.
Today she comes — not too quickly, but she comes. She also sits, heels and stays — reasonably well. But she doesn’t beg as much. We never told her not to beg. We thought it was cute too! But she discovered in time that it didn’t work the way it had (we assume) with her former owners.
During the transitional period, we continued to “trust” her alone in the house or in the car — in spite of the occasional accidents.
Dogs can change at any age. Dogs want to bond with their owner. If your dog’s behavior is inappropriate, look carefully at your own. Are you giving your dog appropriate clews? Are you committed to building an appropriate owner-dog relationship?
Toward Independence
In the addiction environment, the goal in treatment of co-dependence is to help the co-dependent achieve independence. The essence of the cure is that the co-dependent begin to lead a life of their own without depending on the addicted partner for a sense of self worth.
In the case of the dog, the goal is to make the dog behave more like a dog and be less emotionally dependent upon the owner. When the dog’s life begins to revolve around the dog needs — and not human needs — the cycle is broken.충주출장안마
Potentials and Problems
Caring too much about the dog (when at home!), over protectiveness, overbonding with the dog result in most cases from lack of experience with dog ownership.
Often a dog is adopted at a time when the owner has special emotional needs and the adoption is intended to serve those needs of the owner. If we attempt to extinguish a dog’s unique canine nature by smothering it with “love,” we are turning our dog into a co-dependent and are likely to experience the consequences.
Dogs are special creatures. In order to live successfully with a dog it is necessary to respect the dog’s individuality, allow appropriate emotional growth and affirm holistic independence.